"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. ~ John 14:27"

Friday, September 24, 2010

Feeling a Little Overwhelmed

"I pour out my complaint before Him; declare my trouble before Him. When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, You knew my path. In the way where I walk, they have hidden a trap for me. " Psalm 142:2-3

Here lately I have just been feeling so overwhelmed! Trying to make sure the house is in order, that I am still spending time with Maddie and Shane once he gets home from work, trying to read the Bible from the beginning, (never have made it through the whole thing) doing my devotionals (have 2) and reading all the wonderful blogs plus also reading A Purpose Driven Life. Oh and trying to come up with a blog posts that are actually read worthy. I don't like that I either have nothing to say or just big giant rambling posts, like this one will turn into I am sure...

Since I have been focusing on all this other stuff and everything seems so crazy right now, it seems like I am just not as close to God as I was at the beginning of this journey, when it was so new and so exciting. Not that He isn't exciting to me anymore it just seems like something has changed. I don't feel that close to God right now, I don't have that peaceful feeling I used to have.

It's almost like in 1 Samuel 13:14

"But now your kingdom must end, for the Lord has sought out a man after his own heart. The Lord has already appointed him to be the leader of his people, because you have not kept the Lord’s command.”

I keep wondering what I did to make Him so quiet lately

O Lord, why do you stand so far away? Psalm 10:1a

I really miss how close He seemed to be when I first rededicated. It seemed like I could hear Him so clearly and now not so much.

"When I was in my prime, God’s friendship was felt in my home" Job 29:4

I know that God never does leave us, He is the One that is faithful when we aren't. I am trying so hard to get that feeling back, and trying to get some quiet time to study without interruptions, where I can pray about it if what I have just read doesn't make sense. I guess I just need to make that a big priority, making sure that EVERY day I have Maddie go to her room, or wait until she is in bed, so I can have that quiet, personal, intimate time with Him. I need to get back to saying my prayers out loud so my head stops running around, plus it seems to helps me feel that much closer to Him. Just don't know what to do. I just want my Friend back! That's what it was like in the beginning, like I had just reconnected with an old friend and now it's like we've lost touch again.

I will just keep praying and hope that soon, things will all slow down and I will get that feeling back. Maybe I am just trying too hard, trying to read all the wonderful Christian blogs out there and doing so many different studies right now. Maybe if I just stop trying to take it all on and just let Him guide me in the way I need to go...

"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; He will neither fail you nor abandon you." Deuteronomy 31:8 Pin It


Nicole said...

My comments messed up so when I removed comment luv it got rid of my comments. Here is what I copied from intense debate from MTJ

Hi Nicole,

I believe the life of a Christian can be compared to a race; it's not a sprint, it really is a marathon. I also believe that our relationship with the Lord evolves. What we experienced in the beginning was great! It like what you felt when Maddie was born, the joy and happiness she ushered into you life. Each day, both you and Maddie grow in your relationship, you may never experience the emotions you felt the day she was born, but the love you have for her has so much more depth now. Christianity is a spiritual journey that takes us to places inside our lives that God wants us to surrender to Him. I don't believe it's about my effort, it's more about my surrender.

I'll be praying for you, Maddie and Shane.

Blessings and peace.

My Thought-filled Journey

Nicole said...

Thanks so much, putting it like that it makes total sense. I sometimes just need that smack on the head to tell me to snap out of it because what you are going through most everyone else has too.
I need to surrender more! Very true and powerful statement.

Thanks for the prayers, they are always welcome <3

Hope you have a blessed weekend!!!

Amanda said...

Nicole, our walk will go through times of spiritual dryness... and it will feel like He is no where around you. It is called the wilderness and it can feel lonely and frustrating. He is testing your heart, as we can't walk by feelings, but only by faith. You probably know all of this, but it is good to be reminded.

It is also a time where He is wanting to build your trust... trust in Him. Yes, sometimes we need to reorganise and reprioritise our lives, so that we make more room for Him. We let too many other things take our attention away from Him, yes, even blogging can do that. We can read all the best Christian blogs, and that is great, but it isn't a substitute for time with Him and just laying at His feet.

How do I know? Because I struggle to shut my laptop up alot. It is so much easier to read a blogpost and be inspired than to seek Him out first and be replenished and fulfilled.

I know He hears the cry and desire of your heart... keep pressing in and know that He loves you and longs for you more than you could ever long for Him. He will respond to your heart's cry, one way or another...

Love and hugs precious sister...

Amanda said...

ps... I agree with MTJ... especially about it not being about effort, but surrender! Well said...

Nicole said...

Thank you so much Amanda for that reminder! I do know that I am spending way too much time on here and like you said even when we read fellow Christian blogs it is not the same as lying at His feet and worshiping Him! I know I need to get back to that time alone with Him because that was the last I felt Him really close.

I know that He is also making sure that I stay in my faith even when I don't feel Him as close. This time I am fighting and staying with Him! I know I will get it back because I love Him so much and I know He loves me and will never leave me and I am not going to leave him either!!

Thank you so much for your comments! It is nice to have brother's and sister's to help us through our times of drought and doubt!
God bless you and hope you have a great weekend!


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